I feel like i'm expected to be this respectable,mature and serious human being who's only supposed to be making the right decisions,saving money and listening to sober/melancholy music when i'm not busy planning my future.
I miss my mom.
My mother. She laughs at my stupid jokes,pretend-gags at my dirty ones and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. She's the one,maybe the only one,who's telling me that i'm JUST 19 and that i don't need to think so much and that i can go out and have fun once in a while.
She says i'll always be her baby. Most of the times she says that,i make this annoyed irritated face and try hard not to let her hug me.
But what i really feel inside is happy. I want to be someone's baby. I want to spoiled rotten. I want to be fed. I want to be hugged. I want to be told how special and beautiful i am and how proud anyone would feel to have a daughter like me. I want to be tickled and rubbed in the tummy till it hurts. I want to smell comfort. I want to be irritated for knowing that i'm not right. I want to be yelled at for my own good. I want to be woken up in the morning by something that's not an electronic device. I want to feel important. I want never to feel alone.
I want to feel like saying 'I love you too' but not,just to be irritating.
I want my mom.
There's nothing or no-one in the world that or who can make you feel more secure.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows,
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide,
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart,
I carry it in my heart.
E.E.Cummings
