Split Screen Sadness

So..This is my second post.I don't know if i'm used to this yet.It's liking meeting a person you met for a while who you think you like.You're not sure you like him yet.But you wouldn't mind seeming him again.And before you do,you're nervous,but still a little excited.Hmm..I'm listening to 'Hotel California' by The Eagles.That's one song the whole world has heard!I know this guy,Nose,who has a sort of strange taste in music.Don't get me wrong,i'm not judging the person he is.But his taste is a little weird.He likes the Bee Gees(i like them too..sometimes.They can be fun!),Boney M,some over-rated songs by Linkin Park,some by Bryan Adams and of course,'Hotel California'.I mean,isn't that a little strange?How can you like only taht much and listen to that much?Doesn't you taste in music grow with you?Expand too?He's just stuck.Or maybe i'm just mean.See,i can get like that.I should leave him and his taste alone and not write about it right?But i can't!Anyway,the song.The lines that really make me think are probably 'Some dance to remember,Some dance to forget'.
What i really feel like listening to right now is 'Behind Blue Eyes'.The one by Limp Bizkit.There's something about the way Fred Durst sings it that just makes me go 'aah'.Haha.I just searched for it on iTunes and i can't find it!How annoying!I'll just have to settle with what's playing now then.'Outside' by Staind.The thing is,this song hardly makes me think.
Aah!I can't take it anymore!Next song!

Aah!And this is a 'good' 'aah'.'Flying High' by Jem.I love this song.When i'm in the mood and this song is all i can hear,i feel it.Jem's voice is beautiful.I was watching this show on TV.On Discovery Travel and Living(I love the channel!).And there was thing on a couple getting married.On a hot air balloon.I don't know if that's very romantic.First of all,i'm scared of heights.And second,where's the bloody space for your poor guests?!Anyway,when they were exchanging vows,this song was playing.And i hadn't heard in a really long time and i thought,i have to listen to this tonight before i go to bed.And after i watched that program,i had a shower.It was around 12.15 AM.And really,i was expecting Dragonfly to call.He hasn't called all day and it worries me.I hate the distance we have between us now that just never seems to stop growing.We were really something else a while back but now,it just hurts.Anyway,i thought i'd put my phone on silent.Sort of on-purpose not hear the phone ringing if he called and maybe make him feel a little 'Where is she?I need to talk to her!'.But that didn't happened.It's 2.37 AM.And he still hasn't called.What i really wanted to do tonight was put up this post and sleep.But i got on Facebook.And Facebook being Facebook didn't let me do that.I chatted with Baby,OldMan and my biggest darling,Pink.I haven't talked to her in a while and i think it was nice catching up.Still,what i really wanted,even at that moment,was Dragonfly.Why does all this hurt so much?Why hasn't it stopped.I mean,it has been a while.I should be used to this.Right?Because of how depressed i've been over this entire week,due to various reasons,i haven't done much.I've just eaten things that gave me pimples and slept.And i missed my driving classes.And i was supposed to start going to the gym too.Hah.The gym.My affairs with the gym are funny and sad.The last time i went to the gym,i really lost weight and worked hard and all that.And this was just before my board exams.So when i went to the school the day of the first exam,i remember wearing a slightly more tight skirt.And someone noticed.It was my classmate's mum,Nosy Aunty.And she was all "My god!Blackbird!You've lost so much weight!Now all the boys will be after you!Blah blah bla..".She had no idea what i would look like by the time the exams were over.Nor did my trainer at the gym.Nor did i.When they were over,i was fat!And so ashamed of myself!Throughout,to stay awake to study,i'd eaten every last bit of cheese and crackers that was at home and ordered my mum to buy more.I was addicted to the stuff!The weird thing was,i didn't even like cheese till the first day of my exams.I hated it!What a problem that has become!The love for cheese.I have to worry about my weight more now!Worrying about weight is a horrible thing.I would never wish it on anyone.I always wonder why God made some of thin and some fat.It's just not fair.My sister eats anything that comes her way and still remains skinny.It sucks!

Now i'm listening to 'Dil Gira Dafataan' from Delhi-6.I love everything about the song.The instruments,the mood,the voice.Even the video.It's so soft.And a little strange but pretty too.Like a nice dream.I almost sigh every time i listen to it.There was thing Dragonfly used to do and sometimes still do.Completely break down a favourite song into different parts and discuss what we thought of each part.And maybe sometimes even make our own video of the song.I don't know what he really pictures when listens to this song.I think of him when i listen to this.And maybe even picture myself and him in the existing video.Especially the last part of it,when Sonam Kapoor removes the mask off Abhishek Bachan's head.It's so..aah!The thing is,i don't really think of Dragonfly this much.I don't have the time to.And sometimes i've just accepted what we have now.But there are times when i feel like things could be better and i believe he wants it to be better too and i want him to call and he doesn't call.And then i feel sad.But this doesn't usually happen much.That's probably because i'm not alone much.Now,i feel alone a lot.I have my people of course.Cartoon,Horse,Baby.Even Pink.They're my treasures.Still,they're all so far away.Baby feels close a lot though.
My story with Baby is a complete other thing.We're friends.And more than that.Much more than that.Sometimes,when i think i'm supposed to be thinking about Dragonfly i think about Baby.And then,i'm just confused.Baby and i have a past too.With ups and downs too.Things weren't s great with him for a while too but now i think they're at there best.But why am i confused?Is it Baby?Is it Dragonfly?Sometimes i think even be someone else.Someone everything hasn't happened yet with.I wish i could just fast forward you know?See who it is,that i'm going to have and keep forever with me.I'm a hopeless romantic.I love the idea of forever.And of actually having someone who's mine.Some people don't believe in that.I have every reason not to.My parents didn't work out,and i've heard of enough stories of cheating husbands and wives.But i won't be one of them.I just know it.I'll have the marriage that'll last.That'll have people saying "Look at them!Why can't we be more like them?!".Like my grandparents.They have an amazing marriage.They're each other's closest confidante and lover.

But right now,all that's playing in my head like a slideshow are the mistakes i made and the things i lost ing the process.And me wondering why i feel this way and why things have turned out this way.
I don't know how all these make me look.But i know what got me here.The little tiff i had with someone i maybe care the most about on default or even the fighting that i did with someone i'd dreamed about being forever with.
I'm sure we share the same sadness.Split Screen Sadness.

Last thoughts:

And I don’t know where you went when you left me but
Says here in the water you must be gone by now
I can tell somehow
One hand on the trigger of a telephone
Wonderin' when the call comes
Where you say it’s alright
You got your heart right

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch ‘till you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight.


"All you need is love" is a lie 'cause
We had a love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it nobody’s fault cause there's
Nothing to blame At the drop of your name
It’s only the air you took and the breath you left

So maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch 'til you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness.

I called
because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don’t hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me ‘til Your dying day
Don’t let me get away

Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say 'this is the way that I used to be
There’s no substitute for time
Or for the sadness
Split screen sadness.