Yellow

Third post!
And today,i'm in the mood for purely Coldplay music while typing this.I've had an amazing day.Even though i was supposed to wake up by 7.30 AM,which of course i didn't because once again i was awake till around 6 AM talking to a very dear friend,Pink.I've missed her so much.And she strangely thinks the exact same way i do.What i mean is,everytime we see something funny,we find exact same reason to laugh about that thing.And she pictures exactly what i picture sometimes.Of course,this doesn't apply to every single thing.That's not possible.We're different people and it's nice like that.I don't think i'd want to be hanging out somebody exactly like me.What's the fun in that?That's why i love our group at college so much.Each of us sort of form a unique piece of our very own little jigsaw puzzle.And i miss each and every one of them!For different reasons.I'm listening to an amazing song.'Life in Technicolour'.That's a song that just never stops to make me recognise some new sound each time i hear it.It's so pretty.And i think it's called what it's called very aptly.And the video is adorable!

Anyway,as i was saying,i woke up late once again.I think by around 12.30 PM.My mum of course did not approve.Anyway,i finally got my ass up and decided to make a call.I hadn't talked to Dragonfly all of yesterday and i planned to confront him about it today.But as soon as he picked up,half my mind just asked me to ditch it and make some 'happy' conversation.But the other,thank god that was more dominant,told me to straighten things up.Tell him how i feel.Get it out.Even if to him,it might have sounded like all this was coming from me too soon.I mean,i had barely given him any time to prove anything to me right?I mean,he was probably just tired and had fallen asleep right?But were these reasons really going to stop me from thinking about the whole thing and actually believing that he didn't call me because he couldn't and not wouldn't?Hell no!So i got it out.I explained to him.There was a long awkward silence.I know he'd heard what i had just said.So was he thinking of hanging up?What was it?Why wasn't he saying anything?What the hell?I didn't know him anymore!How was i supposed to know what he was really thinking?And besides,i'm too insecure to believe any good was coming my way.Finally,he said,he had fallen asleep and he was very sorry.I obviously,did not buy it.So i decided to ask him more questions.I do that a lot.To test people.I feel like it'll get me somewhere.But,honestly,with him,i was too scared to ask him anything.What he told me something i really didn't want to hear.I asked him what we were.What was i to him.And again,after a long awkward silence,he cleared his throat,and he said "We're friends."
Somehow,when he said that,i felt like everything i'd worked for had come crashing down.Was this guy for real?Were we really just friends?So i asked him "Really?".He answered "Yes Blackbird,we're friends.You're one of my closest ones actually."He's always had that habit of saying my name.He almost said my name in every sentence.And i loved that about him.When he said my name that time,in seconds i was thinking about how once,there was a network problem with my cellphone.And how my voice was go on and off on his end,everytime he called.I could hear him clearly on my end.It was frustrating of course till there was this point we reached every time,when he couldn't hear me at all.And this would go on for about 20-30 seconds.And as every one of those 20-30 seconds passed,he'd say my name.Again and again and again.I know he was helpless.But that's not what i was thinking about.I loved the way he said my name.And i loved hearing him saying it again and again and again.With that tone of worry and helplessness.It sounded like he loved me.Really loved me.This was one of the few things that reminded me that he still loved me.I did mention,i'm a very insecure person right?Anyway,going back to our conversation,when i did actually get my head back to where i really didn't want to be,i realised he was waiting for me to say something.I just said 'Oh'.So he continued.There were apparently a lot of things he needed to talk to me about apparently.In person.I asked him why he couldn't just tell me everything over the phone.And so he started.He said he really wasn't even supposed to be talking to me anymore.He said all his friends had asked him to stop talking to me.They'd told him to start talking to me again when we'd both moved on and were too busy in our little lives to complicate the other one's.But still he was talking to me?I asked him "How come?".He explained to me that it'd been extremely easy for him to cut off his previous girlfriend.At that time,he'd believed he really loved her.And the fact that he could cut HER off was a big big deal.He'd cut off a lot of friends.I knew that.But he said,with me it was different.it was me.It was him and me.Me and him.We were us.How could he cut me off?I was extremely happy to hear that but i still managed to keep my tone relaxed and even a little bored.We talked off other things.But in the way he talked to me,i felt like just a friend,just a small little speck of dirt in his big huge dirty mucky windshield.But finally he said,"You know,i know you still like me a little bit".I turned red and held my breath.He continued.He sounded like he was smiling and i was too scared to think of what was coming next.Had i become just a thing to boost his ego?
"You know honestly?"

A little pause.I was still holding my breath.

"I like you a little bit too!"

I exhaled finally,very deeply.Who cares if i sounded like a balloon that had just been popped?Those were the words i had been praying to hear!And how nicely it was delivered!Retaining my composure,i smiled.He really was a sweetheart.Things had changed about him.But not that!I was glad.
"Ooh!",i almost nearly squeaked."You do?"
Of course,i didn't want to make it sound like it had made a difference to me,so i said "Hmm..okay".
He said "I think about you a lot.I think about all the stuff we did.Those were great memories."
I just said "Hmm..".I mean he did mention "memories" right?So this was the past?
"Sometimes i think about asking you out" he said."But i know it wouldn't work.We're just too far away.But that doesnt stop me from hurting."
Now i felt sad.What he was saying was true.Long distance relationships don't work!I had experience!So i said "I think that too.I think it wouldn't work too.I'm glad we're not together Dragonfly.I wouldn't want things to get screwed up again.We should just work on being friends.That's it".He sounded like he was giving one of his weak smiles.
Then,we continued talking about other things,fun things,like "friends" were supposed to.Once again,there was a silence.It wasn't awkward this time though.More thoughtful.So i asked him."What are you thinking about?"
And he said,rather quickly,"Asterix and Obelix".I laughed and i asked "Really?".When he said that,i thought of how in this movie "Never Been Kissed",Josie asks Guy what he's thinking about when they're dancing as Prom King and Queen on that beautiful stage.He stares at her for a while and he says "My sword".That totally cracked me up.I wondered if guys are really like that.There's a comfortable silence,and you're thinking "Yea,this guy is totally thinking about something that's meaningful or heartwarming".But no,instead he's thinking about the most random thing?Was Dragonfly like this too?
He did answer.To my "Really?" question.Not that i was even expecting an answer,let alone what came next.

He said "No.I was thinking about you."

I could've fainted hearing all that.

But me being "composed" and "cool" and "in control" of what was going on,i just laughed and said "Hmm.." again.
Then we talked for a while and he said he had to go.There was this one last question i was dying to ask.And it wasn't just a boring one.It was naughty.I wasn't sure he was ready to hear it then though.
Then this sudden streak of confidence hit me and i blurted "I need to ask you once last thing Dragonfly!".
Immediately after that i started whimpering saying "I don't know if i should do this" and "I'm scared" and blah blah.
But he convinced me to get it out.I was scared,once again,that his answer would be something i didn't want to hear.

I began with "So..".
"If i kissed you?Would you kiss me back?"
Once again i was breathless.What was going to say?Maybe i should just learn to keep my trap in control!
Annoyingly,he said "Where?If you kissed me where?".He was smiling.It was obvious.

So i just said "You really don't know where?On the lips fool!"
I think one part of me fainted,shocked with the guts i suddenly had.

He laughed.And he said "Yes,actually,i think i would kiss you back.On the lips."

Both of us laughed.I felt a lot lighter.I could also feel change.Something better was coming for both of us,finally.

"So when we're both done with college,you promise you'll take me on a date?A real one?"

He laughed."I promise,Blackbird".

Aah!He said my name!I felt giddy.And so happy i could talk to him normally again.
He hung up and we both decided to talk to each other later.
We did infact.About 5 times after that conversation.

For the rest of the day,i passed time with 2 friends,one i happen to have an immensely huge crush on,Fox,because he's such a great guy with an ever greater body.Haha!I'm probably seeing him again tomorrow and i can't wait!
It's fun having random crushes on people.It makes life more interesting!

Anyway,what i did feel at the end of the day,before i started to type out this post was this.
Things were getting better.
It was a new beginning.A new chapter.With a few pages borrowed from the previous chapter.
I still loved for the same reasons.And i knew i was being loved for the same reasons.
God knows what's going to happen in the near future.
But i definitely can't wait to find out!

Last thought:

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow."

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know for you,
I'd bleed myself dry for you,
I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true.
Look how they shine for you.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.