Just Like Heaven

And finally,my fourth post.

It's been such a long time since i last blogged.Things have happened.My mind has changed about several things several times.There have been appearances and disappearances.From this,i only know that life goes on.No matter what.It stops at nothing.I don't know if i see that as a good thing or a bad thing.Is it always better to leave things that have stopped working and move on?Give the least amount of time possible bidding farewell to those things that were once so heart-warming to us?
I'm listening to some instrumental music.It's 2.56 PM.And here i am blogging.It's afternoon.I've always thought it's weird to blog or to even sit and ponder in the afternoon.I mean who does that?Afternoons are for people to catch up on their sleep,made easy to fall into after a heavy lunch,or maybe catch up on some television-watching.But thinking,nail-biting and blogging?No.Strangely i'm doing that now.Maybe it's the weather.And the kind of music i've been listening to all morning.And the thoughts i couldn't stop myself from having.I've noticed,the music i listen to while typing affects the way i type to a strangely great extent.Shouldn't it just affect the way i think?I love the piano.I believe it is the most beautiful instrument.It can be so soft and touch you in all those places you didn't know existed in you.And make you feel a little warm.A little cold.Almost ticklishly.Like a kiss.Look at me,ranting like an old woman who's experienced great things!Like i said,it's the music.The pretty pretty way the piano is being played.One of the songs that i am just obsessed with,one of these kinds,is "Benjamin and Daisy" from "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Soundtrack.Try and listen to it if you're interested in knowing how i feel right now.
All these days,the days i haven't been blogging,i've had so much to think about.So many things that have changed my mind or just simply changed themselves.It's crazy how nothing needs more than a second to happen.
I've fallen in love again.How dramatic that sounds.But i believe it's true.It's not like it wasn't true all along.But something was missing after a point earlier.But now that's back.And it feels new and fresh again.Like i'm falling again.Like you can feel yourself blushing so much it hurts.It's an amazing feeling.I don't exactly know to describe it,but it makes me feel pretty.And makes me think of the image of a dimly lit room through someone else's eyes.Someone who's smiling.And someone who's about to kiss you.I'm typing this with a big smile on my face.And as always,the music playing in the background is perfect.High notes played gently on a piano.
Of course it's Dragonfly that's making me feel all this.He's perfect.Although he doesn't see it.Or we are.Together.Whether we're at someone's party gossiping about every person who walks past us or just lying in the sound.I never thought we'd get where we are at the moment.I thought it would just be me.That's holding on.That's how he's ben making me feel all this time anyway.But somehow i felt like i know him better,and that what he was doing was just trying to avoid feeling anything.Because,he,like i do,knows that sometimes feeling can mean hurting too.But he's always been better at putting on the mask than i have.Anyway,just a few days ago,he slowly started to show me where his head is at.It all started with me not calling him.That made a difference to him.More than i thought.That i heard a "Can i kiss you?" from him.All this time,he's just been letting me ask the question and reciprocating.I knew he wasn't doing it himself because he was scared and maybe thought it was better to keep things going this way.But that night,as i blabbered and blabbered about how i thought of things and made a few lame jokes(Okay!More than a few!),he suddenly burst with "You're so adorable,Blackbird!".Aah!He said my name.I didn't even have time to think about that because of his next question that came almost immediately after.The "Can i kiss you?" question.I just muttered "Mmm-hmm" and let him do it.Inside,i felt myself smiling,and feeling like i've finally won something.It wasn't a competetion.Just a theory i'd made about him that he's just proven.After that night,things have just gotten better.Warmer.The kind of warmer you feel when you're in a room with the air-conditioner on very high cooling and you're wrapped in thick,soft quilt.Or even when you're all bundled up in the cold and drinking hot chocolate.
All this talking of the cold makes me think of the sound of christmas bells.I love the sound!
The thing is,i associate feelings with taste,smell,touch and sound.Like right now,i'm eating this delicious cold mango and white chocolate cake.It's a work of art really.So perfect.Just like how i'm feeling right now.

Even though,all this is what is inside my head,keeping me at a state of bliss,things have happened.Things with Hair have reached a whole new level of terrible.As have things with Baby.I don't even want to think about it.I can't talk about it even if i want to,which i do,because usually that helps me feel better.Fox left without saying goodbye last week and i felt like we really had nothing special between us.But this morning,i got a message from him telling me he's thinking of me and apologising for leaving so suddenly.Apparently he'd gotten into an accident.I'll probably hear all about it tonight.And the sudden appearance of Football.A very very good friend of mine.He doesn't live here in Chennai.He lives in Bombay.He'd made this new year resolution to meet me.And he's keeping it.Now.When i least expected it.I got a call from an unknown local number and i picked up to hear his voice,which i haven't heard in over a month.He said he'd wanted to surprise me.So i guess he and i will be watching a movie tomorrow.I don't think i can tell my mum about him because i don't think she'd approve of us going alone together.I wouldn't too if i was her,but Football and i know we're great as just friends and that's comforting.I wish things were that clear with myself and certain other people.I talked to my darling Horse this morning and we were talking about how we both miss fighting with each other at the hostel.I love that girl.
I have learnt to think of all the great things that are happening instead of feeling miserable about all the things that are going wrong.What's the point of anything holding you back?After all,shouldn't the silver lining define you?
All i can think of now is kissing Dragonfly. *Sigh*

Last thoughts:

"Show me,show me,show me how you do that trick",
"The one that makes me scream" she said,
"The one that makes me laugh" she said,
And threw her arms around my neck.
"Show me how you do it,
And I promise you, I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you".

Spinning on that dizzy edge,
I kissed her face and kissed her head,
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow.
"Why are you so far away?" she said,
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you,
That I'm in love with you".

You,
Soft and only,
You.
Lost and lonely,
You.
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans,
Twisting in the water,
You're just like a dream.

Daylight licked me into shape,
I must have been asleep for days,
And moving lips to breathe her name,
I opened up my eyes.
And found myself alone,alone,
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved,
And drowned her deep inside of me.

You,
Soft and only,
You.
Lost and lonely,
You.
Just like heaven.